The Void
by SweetSurrender
Summary: Phoebe's POV after losing her baby in Womb Raider


Phoebe's POV after Womb Raider  
  
The Void  
  
The Seer said the Source's powers went into the void after we vanquished him the first time. That void later turned out to be the empty half of Cole's soul, the one Bealthazor had occupied. Cole. Even saying his name brings tears stinging to my eyes and twists my stomach till I fear it will break. Now, as I lay on my bed a widow with no child, I know the only void is in my heart.  
  
How could this have gone wrong? I loved Cole, and he loved me. To even imagine living without him was more than I could bear. That became apparent when I almost lost him at the altar when Daryl shot Frankie/Cole. He was only human, and though he had no money or gifts, he offered me so much more than anyone ever has, his eternal love. We were so happy; I should have known it was too good to be true.  
  
When I found out I was pregnant, Cole was the one to surprise me with balloons, stuffed animals, flowers. He was truly excited about becoming a father, Source or not. It was as if there were no magic, no evil beings, no powers, just a simple man and his simple wife celebrating their unborn child and their eternal love. His eyes, they weren't cold and distant, they were shining and dancing, looking into the future as if he had the power of premonition. He ignored the fact this child would be the heir to the most powerful evil known, he saw himself playing catch with his little son, laughing and tickling him, tucking him in and kissing him goodnight. We both saw that. Though I was scared, Cole broke through the Source's hold and made me proud and anxious to be a mother.  
  
The mother. Of whose child? Cole's or the Source's? Now I know the child was never mine, never Cole's, never ours. He was the spawn of evil, planted in me to grow and kill. Cole would never play catch with him, he would be overcome by the Source and teach him to kill innocents, the very people we used to protect together. It would be no life. I feel dirty, corrupted, violated. Those eyes did not belong to my husband. Hell, he was not my husband. I married a demon, not Cole. The man who made love to me, who kissed me goodnight, who I told my most private feelings and secrets to, was not Cole. It was a stranger who merely looked like him. I'm not safe. We may have finally vanquished the Source, but it cost me my husband and child, my sanity.  
  
I am evil. I know it now; it is my only destiny. I have seen my past, my future, and now the few weeks I have just lived. All are evil, all are painful. A life of evil next to Cole, being his Queen, their Queen, is no life. I grew numb towards the man I chose over my sisters. I yearned for everything to go back to the way it used to be, but it can never be the same again. I lost my husband, and now I fear I have made the wrong decision. Now I think, now I wonder about what could have been, but nothing will bring him home.  
  
I succumbed to evil for him, I knew he would protect me, and we had a baby on the way. What was I to do, leave him? He protected me and never meant to hurt me. Cole broke through at points to tell me he still loved me, but the tonic made me nauseous with hate and malice. I killed my husband. I am no better than the women they send to jail for such crimes. I killed him. He's gone. And now the void lies within me. Those first few days were hard, harder than anything. I could've died and would not have cared, for I was not living, I was mourning for the loss of Cole. But the baby seemed persistent in getting me up and about, scaring me in the way he was like his father. I thought it was that they both hated to see me so depressed; now I know he was suffering under the shell of emotions we were covered in, and evil doesn't like emotions.  
  
The Seer. She was behind this all. She caused this to happen to us. She took away my husband, then she took away the only thing I had left of him, his child. I don't care if it wasn't truly our child; just the fact that we had conceived a piece of life was enough for the both of us. The Source didn't care, Cole did. He made life worth living. Now he's gone and so is my child. Lying here with no feeling in my stomach or heart is so much different than it was to lie on our bed with a baby in me and Cole's protective arms wrapped around my body. We completed each other; he was a part of me. And just as he was left with a void when Bealthazor was vanquished, I am now left with a void as he was vanquished. It's a deep abyss of broken hearts, a lifetime of pain to carry, an endless pit of sorrow, and it shall envelope my every being as I become nothing but a void. 


End file.
